WARNING: Contains foul language, very very minimal violence despite what the title says, and sexual content.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
"WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMENNNNNNNNNNNNNN I'M MARIE HERE WITH MY BROADCAST PARTNER MILES "TAILS" PROWER!" Marie said.
"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we're exactly one month after the roster of Super Smash Bros invaded our very own Patrick's Mind Wrestling!" Tails said.
"Yes, let's get on with the action tonight, for tonight should be a pretty short story!" Marie told the audience.
"WAIT A MINUTE, YOU GUYS FORGOT ABOUT ME!" The final commentator said. It was, of course, Callie.
"Oh, shoot, we're both so sorry! Our good friend, Cream the Rabbit, is also here tonight." Tails says.
"Cream? That's not my name, you idiot!"
"Whoa, calm down, buddy! Sorry about that, you're not really the most memorable person, you know."
"Let's just get on with the show." Callie says.
"Wait a minute...Who's Cream?" Marie asks.
"Cream the rabbit! You know, that rabbit from the Sonic franchise?"
"...OH, you mean Amy!" Marie remembers.
"No, that's the pink hedgehog! Cream is the young little girl rabbit!" Callie tells her.
"...Right, you mean Amy." Marie says.
"NO, I MEAN THE DAMN RABBIT, YOU FAT IDIOT!" Callie yells, finally snapping. Marie got up from her chair.
"DON'T CALL ME AN IDIOT, YOU ****ING ***HOLE, I'LL KICK YOUR *** IF YOU TALK TO ME AGAIN LIKE THAT, YOU ****!" Marie yelled. Callie was cowering under the announce table.
"Hey Marie, you're an idiot!" Tails says, mimicking Callie's voice. Marie grabbed Callie by her neck and threw her onto the ground and delivered a con-chair-to to her head.
Meanwhile, backstage in the interview area.
"Hello, David Tennant here, backstage with a couple of Smash characters! We're gonna interview some right now!" David Tennant says, walking over to one character everyone knows very well.
"Let me ask you a question, Luigi."
"Go on." Luigi told him.
"I have heard backstage, and from me myself, that you were growing that sick beard because Daisy wasn't cutting it in the bed with you, so you needed to sleep next to a beard whenever you're lonely and wanted to find a nice way on saying you're gay. Any word on that?" David Tennant told him. Luigi gave him a shocked expression.
"Did...Did you just call me gay?"
"Listen, punk. You better watch your mouth, before I rip it off your face and shove it up your ***." Luigi told him.
"Whoa, strong words there. Alright, well I'm gonna be heading off now and interview someone else." David Tennant said, walking away. He found another Smash character.
"Let me ask you a question, Lucas, and I'll make this one quick. Do you plan on winning even a single match soon since you've been on a hot losing streak?"
"Well, as you already know, Mr. Tennant, I won the Money in the Bank match. So, therefore, some time in the future, I'm going to challenge the current champion and win it from him, then I'll never lose it until I die. It'll be the greatest achievement in the history of...Well, forever, actually." Lucas told him.
"Okay..? That didn't really answer my question, but I guess it'll do. Alright, well, I'm gonna go do one more interview and we'll be returning to the action." David Tennant said, walking to one last character.
It was Samus.
"Let me ask you a question, Samus...Do you like me?" David Tennant asked.
"Yeah... You're okay, I guess?" Samus told him.
"So, you would consider us friends, right?"
"I guess so?"
"And sometimes, friends do favors for each other, right?"
"You want me to get my ***s out again?!" Samus said. Both Luigi and Lucas, who were in the background, looked completely shocked at what Samus just said.
"Yeah, will you?"
"Well...Okay!" Samus said, exposing...
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PISS OFF
David Tennant returns on screen, still interviewing Samus
"Whoa, I...I really didn't think you'd do it, and quite honestly, that was...Well, good thing there was a warning everyone read at the beginning before they read the entire story." David Tennant said. "And now, let's see what's going on in the ring.
Currently, a talk show segment is going on, as Pit was in the ring, hosting his talk show, "The Pit".
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Bet you're all glad to see me, huh?" Pit says to the crowd. The crowd started booing and throwing their trash at him. "Whoa, ladies and gentlemen, don't boo me, I have great news! Did you know, the last few weeks, more people have been reading "Patrick's Mind Wrestling" more than any other stories in Patrick's mind?
The crowd started cheering
"Yeah, that's right! It's all thanks to you guys that Patrick's Mind Wrestling has been gaining more attention, the views have been up by 20%!"
The crowd started cheering again
"Oh, but judging by how ugly you all are, I'd also say the rate of blindness has also increased by 20%." Pit said, insulting the crowd. The crowd started booing him once more. Pit just sat there and laughed.
"You know, just the other day, a Weeping Angel winked at me with envy, because I'm the only thing in existence with the shape of a beautiful angel that can actually kick Bayonetta's ***!" Pit said. The crowd started booing again, along with Pit laughing some more.
"Ok, ok, I'm done here, and now to introduce tonight's guest: Bowser!" Pit said as Bowser made his entrance. Bowser got into the ring. "Thanks for showing up, Bowser, it took you a while.
"Yeah, sure, no problem." Bowser told him.
"So, do you think you can defeat Pac-Man for the championship this Sunday?"
"Yeah, I think I can."
"Great, so we're done here! Oh, wait, I forgot the more important question: I'm gonna be working out later tonight, burning carbs, and I'd like you to come along with me so we can work out together."
"Sure, I think I can do that. That sounds pretty cool."
"Great! I'll let the trainers know to release me around the same time they usually release me, but keep you for a couple extra hours just so you can lose some weight." Pit said. The crowd started boo'ing Pit's rude, fat-shaming remark he made at Bowser.
"Stop it, why are you doing this to me?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" Bowser said, crying. Pit laughed.
"Watch out, everyone! The fat boy's gonna fill the arena in tears within minutes!" Pit said.
Then, someone clocked Pit on the head. Bowser ran out of the ring. The crowd started cheering, as Ryu made muscular poses.
What? Did you expect a good story? Piss off.